5 Easy Ways to Improve Your Marriage

When asked about their longevity, Scott and Marin, together 17 years, say in unison "It takes work."

"But it's so worth it," she adds.

When asked about the work in marriage, usually people respond with favorite strategies for divvying up housekeeping, childcare and yardwork. But are good relationships made of who cleans the toilet and who empties the dishwasher?

What is the work of building a quality relationship? Are there special skills to develop or tasks to perform to enhance blissful blending?

Yes, there are, and the best part about it is they can be learned. In the spirit of reducing guesswork, here are 10 habits practiced by deliriously contented couples. Implementing even one new technique will dramatically improve your relationship-with anyone!

1. Take Turns Being Down

Don't get the doldrums at the same time. Decide now that if one person is depressed or in a bad mood, that the other one of you will maintain equilibrium and wait your turn. One of your bravest early playground lessons was on the teeter totter, going up, up, up-maybe too fast-and then down with a thud and a bounce, at least once per recess. You got used to it. In a relationship, being in a funk at the same time magnifies hurt feelings. Don't be angry at the same time either. You may both become peeved at each other at the same moment, but if one of you will drop back and deescalate, your annoyance won't turn into a full-fledge battle. Don't worry, you can call "my turn" next time.

2. Limit Omniscience

Many couples find that job sharing works best for regular tasks like emptying the dishwasher or cleaning the floors. Who wants to be the one to always clean the toilet or make the bed? Mixing it up a little bit, occasionally doing the thing the other is always stuck with, brings an element of pleasant surprise that feels caring. However, there may be arenas that create impasses, or where one is clearly the expert. In these few cases, perhaps only one per relationship, avoid conflict by assigning the final word in advance, depending upon the issue. In our case, one makes the final decisions on physical health and the other on mental health (which can include reacting to sticky social situations). Another couple decided she is always in charge of change and he is in charge of improvement.

3. Don't Teach Without a Permit

Avoid telling your partner how to do things unless you're asked. This includes recounting how your parent or ex chopped onions or washed the car. It also covers doing it over. Don't do that unless life or health is at stake (you really will not die of embarrassment if the sofa pillows are not repositioned to your liking). If you have a preference for how things are done that is really important to you, either do those things yourself or gently ask your partner whether it would be okay to state your preference. This habit is about not criticizing the person you've chosen to be intimate with, whether by words, looks or actions. That person cannot be a good lover if treated like your child, your student or your flunky.

4. Who Cares Who's Right?

Everyone wants to be right, to be smart, to be in the know. But that's not a good approach to take opposite your partner. Pointing out the other person is wrong, blaming your lover what happened, doesn't foster intimacy. So what if the window is broken? Would you get it fixed differently if you were the one to break it? Deciding who lost your favorite CD may not help you find it, especially if the other person insists it was you who mislaid it. It's like calling tech support to get your computer working: you don't care how it stopped, you just want it to work again. Don't blame your partner, just work together to fix it without discussing how it got broken.

5. Pick a Hill to Die On

Whether you and your significant other have more similarities than differences depends upon how well the relationship is going at the moment. When you're on the same page, you're soul mates. When the other does something you can't stand, you have nothing in common. The tally may be equal-who's ever counted? To point out every difference or disagreement would be to be at odds at least half of the time, more than half if you don't equally point out all your agreements. So don't mention a disagreement unless it's really important, life or death. A friend calls this, "Pick the hill you want to die on." Not everything can be a fight to the death. In fact, only one thing can. Everything else is supportive.