When I was 13 I came home from Junior High complaining to my father about my teacher.  I was on the verge of dropping out of an advanced math class and joining a different one to avoid this person.  He told me something that has stuck with me ever since then.  He said, “There are always going to be people you do not like.  If you leave this class and go to another you will likely find another in that class.”

Although, at the time I did not fully understand the concept but basically we all have a role in every group.  Some people are the leaders, some are the attention grabbers, and then there are followers.  Each of these breaks down into numerous other possibilities but for the sake of brevity I will stick to these three.

First, there are the leaders.  The leaders are the people that others are drawn to naturally.  We are drawn to the leaders that have similar abilities or ones that we admire.  Once they have obtained this respect from us, we will follow them anywhere.  The leaders can be anybody, not necessarily the figures of authority.

Next there are the attention grabbers.  These are the people that are insecure and need others to notice them.  This may be the class clown who is trying to get attention through stupid pranks or making jokes.  There may be the monopolizer that controls the conversation with their experiences or knowledge and does not allow others to share their opinions. 

Another attention grabber is my personal favorite the “one-upper.”  This is the guy that has done what you have done but even better.  For example you are sharing that you did 100 push-ups this morning and they jump in to share they did 110.  Everyone knows they are lying but they still feel the need to share this.  I personally like to lead these people into saying really stupid stuff such as, “I was in a band that toured around the Northeast U.S.”  It is fun to watch them try and one-up something like that.

Finally, there are the followers.  The followers are the people that don’t fit any of the other two categories.  They are the ones that are too shy to be the attention grabbers or leaders.  They are not quite ready to fill this role in this particular environment.  Therefore, they just go with the flow and follow the leaders.

All three of these people are present in any medium to large sized group.  You are one of these three people, like it or not.  We all are.  An important piece of information is when we know which one we are and deciding if this is the role that we want.  What is even more important to know is that we fit different roles in different groups.  In some areas I am a leader of varying degrees and in others I am a follower.  I am even an attention grabber in some social situations.

We know the qualities of a leader.  We now even know more about an attention grabber and a follower.  Now think about the different groups you are a member of.  Your family.  Your work center.  College.  Clubs.  Friends.  What role do you play in each?

Are you happy with that role in this area of your life?  You know if you are happy by whether you are pleased with your actions.  For example, when I grab for attention I realize I am doing it most often.  I hate when I do that and then later kick myself in the butt for saying certain things or committing to specific actions.  Sound familiar?

To get past this undesired role we need to first decide we want a change.  Then we need to consciously make the effort to not grab that attention or to be a follower when in those groups.  When I am with a group I monopolize, I think very carefully before I speak and then try to control my urges to grab attention from the group.  My goal is to go from attention grabber to follower, for now.  It is the easiest transition and the group will welcome me as follower after leaving this annoying role.

From follower to leader is a difficult transition and requires a great deal of name building.  You have to gain an image of trust in the eyes of others.  This means you have to earn their respect through hard work and by getting involved more.  Volunteer for the things that no one else wants to do and then give it everything you have.  This is a win-win situation because if you succeed you are a hero and if you fail it is something that no one else thought they would succeed at either.  Not to toot my own horn but my book, Inspire Tomorrow, is perfect for helping you to rise to the leader’s role.  It covers how to earn respect and rise to each new level.

As a side note, it is interesting to see that once you have stepped out of the role as the attention grabber another will step into it.  In fact, once another gets that title you know that you have achieved a major victory.  Don’t worry about trying to find someone for that role because it will happen naturally.  You only need to worry about controlling your actions.

No matter what group you are in there are always three roles that are filled.  These roles are the leader, the follower and the attention grabber.  Figure out which one you are in each group and determine if it is the one that you want.  If so, develop it further and if not, change your actions.  No matter what, know your role!